Hello Reader

For the last few weeks, I’ve kept a sticky note on my desk that just says “Questions.”

Every time a parent or caregiver has said some version of, “I have questions, but I don’t want my questions to make them think I don’t support them,” I’ve added a tally mark.

When I got to five, I figured it was time for a blog.

Because this is a real challenge.

When someone you love comes out, you may genuinely want to understand more. It can feel sudden from where you’re standing—even when they’ve been thinking, questioning, and figuring things out for months or years before letting you in.

The problem isn’t that you have questions. It’s that sometimes those questions are asked at the wrong time, come out in ways that sound like doubt, get more invasive than intended, or put your child in the position of having to prove that they know themselves.

So this week, I wrote about how to ask your trans child questions without sounding unsupportive—including which questions can create connection, which might be better brought somewhere else, and why “I’m trying to understand” can sometimes land as “I don’t believe you.”

And because part of knowing how to ask questions is knowing where to bring them, I’ve included a few different places below where parents, caregivers, and grandparents can bring the questions they’re carrying.

You Have Questions. Bring Them Here.

If you read the blog above and thought, “Okay, but where am I supposed to ask these questions?”—this is one place.

RTK Conversations is a live space with me for parents and caregivers who are reading or have read Raising Trans Kids and want somewhere to bring the questions, uncertainty, and complicated feelings that come up along the way.

Bring the questions you’re not sure how to ask. Bring the ones you’re worried will sound unsupportive. Bring the things you’re still wrestling with, the parts of the book you underlined, and the situations that don’t fit neatly on a page.

This is a place to ask, learn, and get curious without making your child responsible for answering every question you have.

Our first conversation is October 14 from 7–8 PM ET on Zoom.

It’s $28 to join, with no membership or ongoing commitment. Come once or come back whenever you need the conversation.

Cost should not be what keeps you from joining. A limited number of scholarship spots are available—just reach out if you need one.

A Place for Grandparents’ Questions, Too

Parents aren’t the only ones with questions. When a grandchild comes out as transgender or gender-diverse, grandparents often have their own questions, emotions, and learning to do. And sometimes those questions are better worked through with other adults rather than directed at their grandchild.

TransGenerations is a virtual community created specifically for grandparents of transgender and gender-diverse kids. It’s a place where they can ask questions honestly—even the ones they’re nervous about asking—learn alongside other grandparents, and build the understanding and confidence to show up for the young people they love.

Our next cohort begins this fall, and registration is now open.

If there’s a grandparent in your family who has questions and could use a place to bring them, I’d love for you to share TransGenerations with them.

Want to Ask Your Questions Privately?

Sometimes the questions you’re carrying are specific to your child, your family, or a situation that doesn’t feel right to bring into a group.

That’s exactly what 1:1 parent coaching is for. It’s a private place to bring the questions you’re afraid of asking wrong, talk through what’s happening in your family, and get support figuring out how to respond in a way that protects your relationship with your child.

You don’t need to have the right language or know exactly what to do before you come. Bring the questions. We’ll start there.

Click to Donate!

I've been using newsletter sponsorships to raise money to donate copies of Raising Trans Kids. We have raised $49 so far! All you have to do is click the button that says "Join For Free" and then X it out! - No purchase or engagement necessary!

Questions aren’t the problem. The work is figuring out which questions to ask, when to ask them, and who is the right person to help you find the answers.

You don’t have to know everything to be supportive. You just have to stay curious, keep learning, and remember that sometimes loving someone well means finding somewhere else to bring the questions they shouldn’t have to answer.

Take care,

Rebecca Minor, LICSW (She/Her)

Author of "Raising Trans Kids: What to Expect When You Weren't Expecting This" book

​GenderSpecialist.com​